Some of you my think of me as the perfect daughter. I am not and was not…but in the end, I’m praying that I made a difference in the lives of my parents.
I can remember the many times growing up, that I was mean to Moma & Daddee. Most of my memories are after we got married, because at the young age of 18, I know now, I was still in the process of growing up and maturing when Ronald and I walked down the aisle.
Good memories are Daddee not being in a hurry to drive me to church…now I know why. Moma wanting everything so perfect and it was. They got up in the early morning of November 9, 1974 to get food ready for the reception. I wonder how they felt? Their only daughter was getting married?
The time, Daddee told me on Christmas Day, that I had put on a little weight! I blew up at him…regrets till this day. I’m sorry, Daddee.
The joy of holding their grandson. Moma spending the night at my home, when I came home from the hospital…only for me to yell at her, “he’s my baby, I know what to do!” Oh my God, how much that must have hurt her.
Often times, I thought about asking her if she forgave me, during her Alzheimer’s, but if there’s one good thing about it, perhaps she didn’t remember the pain I caused her.
While Daddee was in the Nursing Home, we would go see him almost every Sunday afternoon. As regular as clockwork, on Sunday night, my phone would ring at 7:00 pm. It was Moma…asking how our week had gone and what we did that day. How it must have hurt her, knowing we went see him and not her.
When the signs of dementia started with Moma, I tried to visit her at Spring Bayou more often, especially on a weekday. We had good times just sitting in the swing and watching the boats go by. She would ask me to spend the night and many times I did…but not often enough. While she was residing in Assisted Living, she would always ask me to stay the night and I said I would soon, but never did. After she moved to the Nursing Home, I spent one night with her. ONLY ONE!!! And she didn’t even know I was there. I had every intention of spending the night with her soon…now she’s gone and I can’t.
Neal and Mike grew up without me around, because they were 10 and 8 years old when Ronald and I got married. I never saw a mean or honorary intention from either of them, with Moma. “Never in my Lifetime or Hers”.
If my brothers have regrets that they didn’t do enough…they did more than I ever did…they honored their Mother.
Tomorrow, November 3, will be my first birthday without my Moma. Even if I live to be 100 years old, it will not be the same.
I love you Moma. Thank you for giving life to me.
Your only daughter, Janis.